Who are we in the mirror and who are we to the public? Some people who I think own the room when they walk in it feel like the room is closing in on them. Some women who by even the most classic standards are gorgeous see themselves as plain. I witness people’s successes all the time and am in awe and yet they don’t feel the glow, the accomplishment, the victory. Why? Why are we constantly telling ourselves that we’re too ugly or too fat? Well, we can analyze that problem all day. There are thousands of studies and journals devoted to self esteem and where it stems. But do we have to go to our past to help our present? Although I love the idea of therapy, I think there are small steps that can also help.
I think it’s a matter of practice. And habit. What do they say about habits? It takes 21 days to make one and only 1 to break it? Well for years and years we’ve been talking to ourselves with a horrible tone. It’s a deeply ingrained habit we need to break. It’s going to take some time. But trust me, it’s worth it. You are worth it! I’d like a dime for each time I told those I love, “I wish you could see yourself the way I see you!” It takes time to do that, but similar to the fact you can’t run a marathon tomorrow if you’ve never run past your mailbox; it’ll take some training to do that. So break it down. Small steps. It’s always about making one small step to go forward.
When you tell a friend that they have a gift for making you feel good, or that they are so funny, or that they said something to really help you…. are you lying? Probably not. So why would you think they’re lying to you when they say the same things? Remember something specifically nice that someone said to you – about you. And I’m not talking about a feature (you have nice eyes!) but something meaningful. Write it down. Say it to yourself daily. Put it on a sticky note on your mirror. Make a week of that one compliment. Say it. Read it. Feel it. Own it. Practice believing. Practice BEING that compliment until it’s no longer a compliment but a part of you. Keep practicing. The longer you practice, the more confident you’ll become.
Your eyes, your hair, your clothes and definitely not your weight are what measure you. You weigh what you weigh – but that doesn’t define humor and joy and compassion and intelligence. You were made just right! Show the world what’s inside and be proud of it. See yourself the way those who love you see you. Look in the mirror and see beauty. It’s there. We see it. It’s your turn.