When I first became a Weight Watcher leader, I had a member come in crying because she was too fat. The fact that she isn’t, wasn’t, was irrelevant. She was crying because she *felt* too fat. She kept saying, “I hate what I’ve done to myself! Look at me!” I looked. I couldn’t see it. I saw a beautiful, but sad, woman. I saw intelligence in her tearful eyes. I saw love for her kids that were in tow. I saw compassion for others, but not herself. And although I didn’t agree with her self-assessment, I understood that she was in pain. I didn’t have the power to do anything but listen, hold her hand, give her some tissues, and tell her the woman *I* saw. It wasn’t enough because she wasn’t going to believe me. She believed her own talk, but not the external, positive talk.
You may or may not believe in positive self-talk as a method to help self-growth, but I can guarantee that you listen to negative self-talk. It’s loud. It’s powerful. And too often, it stops us from reaching our fabulous potential.
Each day we beat ourselves up. We feel guilty over eating too much cake or chips. We tell ourselves that we “blew it” or some such nonsense. You don’t burn any calories beating yourself up. Trust me.
“You can’t hate yourself healthy,” says Kate whose blog, This is Not a Diet – it’s your life, is a must read. https://www.facebook.com/notadiet
This line smacked me upside the head. We stop ourselves from doing so much because we are busy beating ourselves up! We don’t have faith in ourselves, because we think we can’t do something, because we don’t think we deserve such goodness. We do. All of us. We deserve to be healthy. We deserve to be happy. We deserve to have a good, clear path without putting obstacles in our own way.
Do you talk to friends the way you talk to yourself? Why can’t we be nice to ourselves? Treat ourselves with the respect we deserve? If each day you can wake up telling yourself one positive thing about yourself, and – when you go to sleep – have the last thing you tell yourself is something you did RIGHT, you’ll start feeling the power of the positive. “I am worthy.”
Recently I had a returning member come in and she pulled me aside after the meeting. She told me she’s in such a better place mentally. She used to come with two other women and I asked how they were. “Toxic,” she said. “This is why I’m in a better place. I believed all the negative and I had to separate myself from the toxic people.” That takes a lot of strength.
I’ve found that most people are basically good. I see beauty. I see people helping each other daily. The goodness in people blows me away. I do believe we’re programmed to be good. There are people we all run in to that don’t seem very giving or nice. Hey, sometimes I don’t feel very giving or very nice. But for the most part, we’re a beautiful people who actually wake up wanting a good and positive day. At what point do we start talking ourselves down? Is it when you get on the scale? If so – throw out your scale! It’s a useless box of bolts anyway.
You’re good. You’re beautiful. You can be your own best friend. Talk to YOU like you are. Tell yourself you’re worth a new recipe, a new activity, a new outlook. You’re worth talking yourself up!
“You is kind. You is smart. You is important.” Kathyrn Stockett, The Help.