I have to tell you, I had a rough day yesterday. Not as rough as my daughter, but it was rough.
No mom wants to hear or see her child in pain. Over the last few months my son has fought horrible and consistent headaches and what we went through to ease that pain was extensive. And we’d do more. Because that’s what people do for their loved ones.
I’m amazed at the strength of people – especially when I see them summon it from places they didn’t know were there. My daughter knows it’s there. She had three surgeries by the time she was 6, a fever of unknown origin when she was 2, multiple injuries and some physical and emotional letdowns – and still amazes me with her strength, her gumption, her “life.” She is full of life and so when something is stopping that – in this case pain – it’s awful to see, to witness.
I am an emotional eater – as many of us are. And I’d be lying if before I saw her yesterday I didn’t dive in to the fried chicken tenders and biscuit. Comfort was not only NOT in that food, I didn’t even taste it. It made me sick. I had time in the car – again prior to seeing her – to evaluate the behavior, track the food, forgive myself and move on. And then I saw her.
And in the same way as a few months ago witnessing my son go through a pretty horrific treatment for pain, my daughter, weak with pain in an emergency room bed – they gave ME strength. I see her fight and get stronger. Kids have this view of how great their parents are, how strong, how brave, how smart. But in the presence of our kids hurting – we’re vulnerable.
I sat – or paced – in that empty waiting room in the middle of the night talking to God. I assume that he hears many prayers on a daily basis from that room – that it must be “loud” to Him there. That I was no different. I gathered my strength from Him, my quiet husband, but most of all her.
Although I want to be that girl who emotionally exercises instead of emotionally eats, I haven’t reached that point yet. But what I did learn yesterday is that in the absence of focus and the presence of raw emotions, I was able to gather it from her instead of M&Ms or chips. I was…no, I am able to go “somewhere else” instead of food. It’s a lesson and a good one.
She’s recovering and will be fine – she’s strong and smart and amazing and constantly – without realizing it – inspiring me.