Recently I had a conversation with a friend and love languages came in to the topic. I didn’t really know mine when she simply said, “Yours is easy – you’re the cheerleader.” I smiled, thinking that had to be one of the greatest compliments I could get. She has no idea how often I’ve thought of that this month. (Well, maybe now she does **wink**.)
So I haven’t blogged this month….October is a rough month for me for numerous reasons. And among those reasons are deadlines. LOTS of deadlines with both of my jobs. So although it’s a busy and exciting month, I am – to say the least – very busy. And that’s okay because I’m very capable of handling all the things that come my way. I firmly believe that I’m not given anything I cannot handle. “Handling” can be clumsy and graceless and difficult as well as graceful and smooth and confident. “Handling” can easily not appear a lot like “handling” to some and to others “Handling” can appear seamless. Throughout the month I heard to phrase, “You got this!” by many people. Many were saying it to me, some were saying it to others.
We hear that a lot lately.
“You got this!” to someone who already lost half their weight and is continuing.
“You got this!” to someone who has a big project they’re in the middle of.
“You got this!” to someone who’s looking for a job.
“You got this!” to someone who has a new job.
“You got this!” to someone struggling with something.
“You got this!” to someone who is nervous about a big task ahead.
Talk about an overused term! I must admit that a few hours prior to me writing this blog I was very ANTI “You got this!” but now, thanks to a conversation with my son, I see it differently. You see, when someone tells me “You got this!” it doesn’t boost my confidence in doing it, but what it does do is tell me that someone else has confidence in me doing it. That’s not a bad thing – it’s good to hear, actually. Really feeling that others have confidence in me – very good to hear and quite valuable. But honestly…. “I don’t GOT this.”
I do love that my friend sees me as the cheerleader. Because nothing feels as good to me as helping someone believe in themselves so that they can conquer WHATEVER challenge they wish and travel whatever journey they seek. But you’ll probably never hear me say, “You got this!” Or even “I got this!” When I hear it, I think that the work is done, the knowledge is learned, all the behaviors are put in place. So when *I* hear “You got this!”, not only is my confidence not increased, but sometimes my stress goes up, too. What if I don’t “GOT” this? What if I fail? Will I disappoint you?
Although we are products of our experiences, I choose to live in the present tense. So even though I lost weight before, “I don’t got this” now. It implies to me that it’s so easy. It’s not. It’s hard.
This past month Weight Watchers had, in my opinion, one of the best months of meetings discussing the 5 levels of change: Environment, Behavior, Capabilities, Belief and Identity. I watched my members, over the course of the month, realize things about themselves that was magical. I watched changes happen, but sometimes it’s hard to see our own changes happen. “I used to be ashamed, now I’m proud.” “I used to be lazy, now I’m more active.” “I used to be a regular at the Chinese Takeout, now I’m an aspiring home cook.” “I used to be my own worst enemy, now I’m my own best friend.” So when members get that light bulb over their heads and say “Oh my goodness, I can do it!” I tell them…. Change your tense. You ARE DOING IT!!!! Changing the tense is important. We live in the present.
“The more I live, the more I learn, the more I realize the less I know.” ß-lyrics and quotes and I have no idea who said them first. This is my 6th time I am on Weight Watchers. The very first time I achieved what they deemed my goal and Weight Watchers Lifetime status. But I quit. I gained. I joined and rejoined and tried many other weight loss strategies and plans. Each time learning more and more about myself. This time is no different, really. I can’t assume “I got this!” because I struggle. I struggle with balance – even though to others I might seem confident. I struggle with the fact that it’s NOT a struggle for some and is for me – how brutally unfair. I struggle with the fact that after one glass of wine, my normal loosey goosey attitude gets REALLY loosey goosey and very few wise decisions get made. I struggle with the fact that if I achieved Lifetime Status 25 pounds ago, why aren’t I there now – even though I’m still in a good healthy BMI range? The thing I don’t struggle with anymore is that my weight is not what defines my life – nor is it what makes me happy or unhappy. So I’m learning. We’re all learning. We’re in a process.
My goal is not a weight. Happy healthy and dying at 99 years old in a size 4 dress – now that’s a goal! I don’t “GOT” this….but I am “getting” it.