You’re not fat.

I was reading some of my previous blog posts and realized that I repeat myself a lot. Then I thought about things. Weight loss. Life balance. Behaviors. And of course I repeat myself. There’s only so much *new* on the subject.

I had a conversation today with a person that I hadn’t seen in a long time. She has since been divorced and remarried and divorced again. She told me that she had a realization about relationships. She said that they always wanted her to lose weight and that she didn’t feel like she could change for them. “I’m fat and that’s who I am. I refuse to change for someone who can’t accept that.” I truly don’t know her well enough to have opened my mouth and told her that I didn’t think those two are connected.

But that got me thinking. Do you have to change to lose weight? Yes, you’d need to change behaviors, your way of thinking about food, maybe some activity.  But really, do you have to change to lose weight? Losing weight doesn’t transform so much as it unveils. (Thank you, Lisa!) I believe changes might happen after you lose weight – more confidence for one. But changing a person – a personality – isn’t required to lose weight.

“I want to change.”
“I want to lose weight.”

No…..I don’t believe that the person needs to change in order for you to lose weight, but maybe you identify with behaviors that are related to losing weight. There’s a difference in saying “she’s fat” (attaching the fat to the personality) and “she’s got fat on her.” (she’s got weight to lose.)

I don’t see people as fat or thin or lazy or active. I see people. I see their personality and decide likability based on that. But I think that too many of us identify with behavior and attach it to the personality.

My kids, when they were little, used to snuggle up to me and squeeze my upper arms and tell me how squishy they are. This, by the way, was said out of pure love and thinking it’s the best thing in the whole world. I smile thinking of those moments.

Don’t attach your weight to who you are. You are giving, loving, warm, intelligent. You might be a professional, a blue-collar worker, a stay at home mom, a student. You might be an athlete or a couch potato. You might love computer games or love hunting. You are not the number on a scale or a size of your dress or a notch in your belt.

Fat is not something you are. Fat is something you have. That mindset has set me free because then I’m not so attached to it.  Now I can get to work.

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